I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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