HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
