We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
