No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
