Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
