Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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