walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
