I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
