you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
