Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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