Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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