You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
