Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
