Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
