she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
