Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
that's an acceptable place to lick
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
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just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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