you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
