Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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