there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize