i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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