i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
