"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
it's like iHOP with fire
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
