maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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