I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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