Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I need moral support for this bender
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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