She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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