Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
FUCK WHALES
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
