i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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