That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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