Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
