BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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