he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
