Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
