can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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