I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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