Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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