Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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