Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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