Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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