we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize