Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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