she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
