Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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