I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
