some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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