i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize