I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
