Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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