the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
