I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
