Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
