Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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