it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
