I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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