My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
