Having a random hookup so left but love u
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
