i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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