Yo dont text me then not text me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
