Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
