Don't make out with my wife yet
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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