Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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